After reading today’s WSJ feature on Opening Day at Citi Field, Paul seeks to recreate the unique editorial process that led up to the article.
by Paul Gammons
In a recent Reuters report about the Wall Street Journal’s newly expanded sports section, Sports Editor Sam Walker, who has been lauded in the past here at PG.com for what is the definitive nonfiction work on fantasy baseball, was quoted as follows about the WSJ’s redefined approach to sports coverage:
It wants to use the new section to produce analytical articles and statistics and graphics-laden packages that put a forward-looking spin on the news, Sports Editor Sam Walker said.
“We’re not doing game coverage,” he said. “These are stories that are idea-based with big themes.”
With that said, here’s a transcript that seeks to recreate what must’ve been the newsroom conversation between Walker and his underlings that led up to today’s sports op-ed piece in the WSJ about the opening of Citi Field.
Walker: So, Citi Field is opening in a couple weeks and I think we need a feature on it. Now, as you guys know, we don’t do sports coverage the “old” way around here. We’re all about fantasy stats… um, I mean “sports analytics” with cool graphs and charts, and “think” pieces, kind of like Rolling Stone for bankers, except about sports. Does that make sense?
Underlings: >Staring blankly<
Walker: Great! So who’s got some ideas?
Underling No. 1: How about a look at the Citi Field from a financial perspective, comparing it with New Yankee Stadium? We can look at how the Mets spent much less but still managed to create a state-of-the-art facility. We can even add a bunch of entry points comparing the two stadiums’ various features and fan amenities side by side with charts and graphs.
Walker: For God sakes man, have you been listening to a word I’ve said? Reporting is dead! And there’s no way we’re crunching any numbers under my watch unless it can help me figure out when to add David Price to the StreetWalker’s roster! Let’s get our heads in the game people. Who’s next?
Underling No. 2: How about an abstract analytical piece comparing the personality of the 2009 team to the “personality” of the new park? We can talk about how the team is looking for a fresh start after its painful recent late-season collapses, and whether the park represents a fresh start for a team that needs a new attitude, or a distraction for a team that has yet to live up to its hype.
Walker: Where do you people think up this crap? Did I walk into the New York Times newsroom by mistake? The only “personality” this ballpark has is whether it helps my fantasy team get more home runs and whether I have to wait on line more than three minutes to take a piss! Now somebody give me something we can use here!
Underling No. 3: OK, this is a little strange, but let’s have a famous actor or musician write an op-ed piece about opening day at Citi Field. There won’t be any legimate reporting, we won’t have to do any research in advance, and we can even pawn the editing off on the A&E section since it’ll be written by a celebrity.
Walker: Yes! Finally! This the kind of out-of-the-box thinking I’m looking for people! I was wondering if there was anybody here who might be worthy of a promotion! Now, we want to find someone who is a celebrity, yet embodies the typical Mets fan. Let’s hear some names.
Underling No. 1: How about Hank Azaria?
Walker: No you moron, we’re looking for someone who can write, not do Simpsons voices for us!
Underling No. 2: How about Tim Robbins?
Walker: Do you people take crazy pills? That guy sleeps with Susan Sarandon. What kind of insanity is that?
Underling No. 3: What about Jerry Seinfeld? He loves the Mets!
Walker: Oh yeah, great idea… we’ll end up with an article about NOTHING! Do I have to do everything myself? OK, what do you think of when you think of a typical Mets fan? Obviously we need a woman, someone who looks like they’re allergic to the sun, loves Shakespeare, tried the whole vegan thing and couldn’t make it stick, oh, and most importantly it should be someone who has had limited success but has ultimately fallen short of her true aspirations. Now let’s all clear our minds for a moment and think…
Everyone together: I’ve got it!
Paul Gammons, a columnist for PaulGammons.com, says Chris Carpenter’s torn oblique muscle is really “harshing my mellow.”
