A few royal wedding-themed thoughts before we move on to some topics that people actually care about:
- I’m happy for the Brits. They hadn’t caught a break since Elton John left.
- William’s fake smile tried to say: “I’m just happy to be here.”
- William’s fake smile really said: “I’d like to pull a William Wallace on every one of these reporters.”
- Kate looked amazing. I’d also like to know what meds she was on.
- One word: Pippa!
And moving on…
- I think Ricky Romero and LL Cool J were separated at birth.
- It’s not gonna matter how many pitchers Philadelphia has if nobody can hit.
- I’m still trying to figure out if I like Jade McCarthy. I don’t think that’s a good sign.
- Hey JD Drew: Probably not a good plan to watch strike three go by to end a one-run game.
- What’s the difference between men who like Katy Perry and women who like Katy Perry? The men know she can’t sing.
- After 2011, we’re going to find out who Derek Jeter really is based on whether he goes out with class, or sticks around for the cash.
- Norm MacDonald has helped me realize that if I ever completely lose all my talent and want to mail it in for a paycheck, I can always get a half-hour show on Comedy Central.
- The Barry Bonds jury should instantly be found guilty of obstruction of justice.
- Hey Tony LaRussa, if Britney Spears can beat schizophrenia, so can you.
- From a marketing perspective, the only problem with ChardonClay and CabernAce is that you’d have to already be drunk to buy wine called ChardonClay and CabernAce.
- If I’m Eddie Cibrian, I think I’m getting off the LeAnn Rimes train, like, yesterday.
- Don’t you just hate the Braves for pulling Jonny Venters and Craig Kimbrel seemingly out of thin air?
- I’ve got a bad feeling that we may never see the RemDawg again.
- If Andre Ethier can hit like this amid all this Dodgers turmoil, think how good he can be when he doesn’t have to dodge bullets in the parking lot.
- Guys who are for real: Jose Bautista, Joey Votto, Jeff Francoeur, Trevor Cahill, Drew Storen, SEAL Team 6.
- Guys destined to crash harder than Russell Brand: Lance Berkman, Bartolo Colon, Michael Pineda, Sal DiMasi.
- Hey Madonna, if you’re looking for your playbook, Lady GaGa has it.
- Close call on who’s been the bigger fraud: Greg Mortenson or Daisuke Matzuzaka.
- I never thought I’d admit it, but I miss the “old” WEEI. Damn you, Felger!
- Finally, three words for Paul McCartney: DON’T DO IT!
Paul Gammons, a columnist for SearchFantasyBaseball, thinks it’d be nice if Matthew Berry actually knew something about fantasy sports.
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